Sunday, April 15, 2012

West Coast Gangsta

YEEEEP.... That's me:

It's official. I'm a West Coaster. Want proof?

They don't grow trees like that in Missouri.

So...what does that mean, exactly? I'm a Pacific Coast Girl... A Northwesterner? What am I?

Funny, that's exactly the question that's been plaguing me for a while. ;) And I think I have a better handle on it now than I did before, though, it's a more frightening handle. Do you know how many scary things I've done in just the last two years alone? I left the home and person I knew so well, and I moved, after some careful consideration, to a place 2,200 miles from what was safe. And here I am... in Washington state. And it's everything and nothing like what I expected.

Can I explain? I don't honestly know. But I'll try.

I've been here a month. And the Seattle area is, indeed, quite rainy. It is also incredibly beautiful, just as I'd expected...and's also more intimidating than I'd anticipated. For instance, these mountains that surround me are intense. I just gawk as I drive. And while I'm positively chomping at the bit to go exploring the Rain Forests and the coast, I'm also kind of nervous to do so alone, because this is NOT territory you want to get lost in or traverse all by your onesy, in my opinion. So that brings me to the second point---friends!

Oy. Friends. How does one make them around here? It's kind of all segregated. Everything is off one main artery called the 405, and everyone city hops like crazy. Bothell, Woodenville, Bellevue, Kirkland, Redmond, You Name It. I'm so lucky that I had an adopted family, of sorts, when I came out here, because that support system is priceless. Life/God/The Universe is good at meeting your needs when you step out and do something brave, and that's exactly what has happened for me on several counts. I got a good job very quickly, by the way, and that seems to be a miracle in and of itself. I'm thankful for that.

There are just so many things to think about, and some possibly awesome bookish related potential is on the horizon, too! Also, I want to start singing out here...very, very badly. And what about dating? Oy. I've actually dipped my ties into it a bit, believe it or not, and as tough as singledom is at this age, (and it's not exactly pie, let me tell you), I just keep daring myself to do what freaks me out. My inner dialogue is quite interesting. It involves me essentially telling myself to "just DO it, woman. Don't think about it too much. Don't wuss out. JUST DO IT. Go go go go go!" And then I jump over the damned cliff. Because I know that if I sit on it and over-think it, I'll chicken out. And life's too stinking short to chicken out!! That's not why I'm here, right? Sure, you're scared. But even while you're shaking, do it anyway.

Anyway, I'm here. And everything is exciting and scary and questionable and wobbly and new. My job, my surroundings, my relationships, my present. But I have two things in my favor. For one, I'm never going to let go of my dreams. I'm a woman on a mission, and no matter the ups and downs, the dark times and the bright ones, I'll get through them with faith and determination and love because I refuse to do it any other way. Whenever I think I can't make it through another change or another loss or another day, for that matter, I find that I do and I have and I can. And I look back at the last few years and see how, even in the midst of pain and fear, when I breathed and worked to release control of the outcomes, trusting in the bigger plan to know my highest good and move me along, things always worked with me, the foundation built beneath me, the tools and doors appeared exactly where they've needed to be. I only had to keep moving forward. And yet... oh, how easy it is to forget this when our human penchant for short-term memory loss kicks in! How easy it is to freak out in the moment, unable to imagine how it can get any worse, how you can possibly cope. I know it well. I do it all the time. But I also know how life pulls for you, over and over, and it's just all too damned coincidental not to see the miracle of it all in bursts and flashes of understanding. It's like Dory says in Finding Nemo, "Just keep swimming...Just keep swimming..."

And before I go, because I could use a pep song before the new week at the new job begins, listen to this! We heard it playing at the mall on Saturday, and I adore it. It's my new theme song:


kimberly said...

It SOUNDS like you are doing well. I hope you find some good friends and maybe a beau or two soon. You def need to explore the forest, but I agree, don't go alone. If it comes to it, I'll fly up there and go with you :)
Congrats and more pictures please.

Feather Stone said...

You're a strong and courageous woman. I know that all you hope for is yours.

Anonymous said...

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