Friday, June 10, 2011

So. Dating. Let's talk, shall we?

Ooooh mah God. Okay. SO. I'm currently involved in this practice called dating, and, while I don't intend to give you any of the gory personal details, I did want to write a brief post for channeling the universe and asking a very important question:

Seriously, universe? Really? I mean, for real?

When I first approached this practice it was with a certain sense of stress. I mean, how many eligible men are out there anymore? That is, the normal ones with cars and jobs and a sense of personal hygiene? Must. Find. Normal. Human. . . Right?

Now, this, as it turns out, is a bad attitude to have, because it appears that whatever you put out, you darn well get back. This has been evidenced via the very many "marry me tomorrow and adopt my seven children or let me immediately impregnate you" type lads I've been coming into contact with. The thing is, I don't want to marry anyone tomorrow. In fact, I might be just as happy to live in committed sin for the rest of my life, if the right person were involved. And heck, I certainly don't want to jump into anything. It's so important, after all, to be friends with someone before anything else. That's the foundation of anything good, right? Surely there are compassionate, sexy, lovable and intelligent men out there who know both the value of a relationship and of judging the potential for one carefully.

I came across this book called "Dating From the Inside Out" by Dr. Paulette Kauffman, and it's really opened my eyes to the ways that people basically attract exactly what they fear or what they think of themselves. It's a vicious cycle of repeated, reinforced crap until you learn whatever it was you were supposed to and move past it. It's really enlightening, and, amazingly, since I started reading and felt the shift in my thoughts, a lot of those interesting gentlemen have stopped it with the crazy. I'm thinking this is a good sign... a sign that, perhaps, I'm doing something right.

One key point in this book is that we should really be more than ok with a lot of dating. I mean, let's be honest, my fellow females, how often do we whine to ourselves and each other that we just want to find The One and be done with it already, that we HATE dating, it's torture, a cruel chore, etc. All men are bastards, otherwise they're taken, right?

WOOF. My breaks are screeching to a halt while I let all that bitterness pass me by. Dating. Something clicked in my brain that said that, somehow, it's more of a vital tool of self-awareness and wisdom than a nightmarish fact of adulthood. This book really solidified that, because the point is that we don't know who we are, what we want, what we DON'T want and so forth, unless we experience different things/people/behaviors/approaches. It's supposed to be exciting, God, forbid, even fun. Look at each interaction as a step in the right direction and, I think above all, be authentic and honest and heartfelt in everything you do.

That's how I'm doing things, anyway. I guess I'll let you know how it ends up when The Dude shows up. You know... wherever he is.

J Dub


Anonymous said...

I am so glad I'm happily married and don't have to do the dating thing anymore. The thought of it makes me nervous. One thing is for sure though, being yourself is the answer everytime and in any situation.

Anonymous said...

"In fact, I might be just as happy to live in committed sin for the rest of my life, if the right person were involved."


Great post. In my dating experience, it took me a long time to realize that I was dating men who were kind of a fun house mirror reflection of things in myself that I was leaving unexamined. Maybe I was hoping that a relationship would fix some of those things for me, because I didn't know how to fix them myself. Anyway, I got to work, examined those areas, did what I could with them, and then I went looking for a relationship in which what I wanted from the man was a counterpoint to what I had to offer, instead of a reflection of what I needed, and so far he's turning out to be amazing. So for me, when using my strengths as bait, I've pulled the fish that I was looking for, and have not had to throw so many away.

Good luck to you.