You know, I think I might as well. Mainly, because I don't want to chicken out of doing it, but also because it feels correct.
All right. So, a lot of you know that the relationship I've been in for some time (at least eight years) has come to an end, and with the goal of moving forward in mind, I've been waffling back and forth between staying here in Missouri where things are safe and familiar, and moving away when the lease is up in March.
Well, waffling is over. I made a decision (eek), and it's not an easy one. See, Missouri is great for a mid-western kind of girl, but I'm from the east coast, originally, and all this land-locked business is making me claustrophobic. I need to be closer to an ocean or I might asphyxiate.
You know how I feel about the universe offering you the means toward a new step--a way to move forward--when you're truly willing and ready. But, I'm a chicken sometimes, and I really resisted the idea of moving from where I am, mainly because I would have missed my ex (who is also my best friend). Problem is, clinging to "safe" things when it's time to move on is both counter-intuitive and counter-productive. If I hope to keep growing, I have to take the leap and accept whatever is in store for me, even if I'm afraid and feeling unprepared.
It just seems too coincidental that a set of circumstances have set themselves up in favor of my moving to Seattle, Washington this spring, the biggest factor being a dear friend of mine and her truly awesome family. This friend didn't hesitate a lick in asking me to come and re-start my life with some support from them, and after fighting the idea for a while, today I was struck with one of those gut reactions that this is the right thing to do. This is what I have to do. Oh, sure, I made lots of excuses not to. My known support system is here. I'm too scared/attached to make a move this big. I don't know anyone out there but this family. I don't have a job out there. I won't have a substantial savings. I won't/don't/ shouldn't/blah, blah, blah. Blah. Then I realized that I was being a big. fat. pussy. That's right. I said it. And I am supposed to be anti-cowardice in the face of life-changes? Practice what you preach, Jen. Walk the walk, and all that...
So, at some point this coming spring, I'm just doing it. I'm not going to overthink it--only look forward to it, which is frightening, but really exciting, too. I'm going to miss Columbia, MO, and I'll keep and cherish the friendships and experiences I've made here for the rest of my life. But it's time to step off the cliff and dive into new, braver water. That's right, folks. I'm going to be single in my thirties in a new city/state/time zone. God help me.
Anyhoo, I've been looking at some pics of the area, and I have to say that the outdoors always win me over, big time. The city, itself, is remarkable. But the amazing natural landscapes and beauty of that area do a hell of a lot more to draw me in and give me the boost I need. Let me show you what I have to look forward to:
Since I'm so much of a nature freak, looking at these helps act as a motivator and courage-booster. Plus, just THINK of the writing inspiration. *drools*
I guess this post is kind of my promise to myself as a public testimonial. Repeat after me... Do not remain stagnant. Do not hide from your own life. Keep marching forward.
“A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for.”~ William Shedd