Tuesday, September 21, 2010

OOooh, Lord... dare I tell you?

You know, I think I might as well. Mainly, because I don't want to chicken out of doing it, but also because it feels correct.

All right. So, a lot of you know that the relationship I've been in for some time (at least eight years) has come to an end, and with the goal of moving forward in mind, I've been waffling back and forth between staying here in Missouri where things are safe and familiar, and moving away when the lease is up in March.

Well, waffling is over. I made a decision (eek), and it's not an easy one. See, Missouri is great for a mid-western kind of girl, but I'm from the east coast, originally, and all this land-locked business is making me claustrophobic. I need to be closer to an ocean or I might asphyxiate.

You know how I feel about the universe offering you the means toward a new step--a way to move forward--when you're truly willing and ready. But, I'm a chicken sometimes, and I really resisted the idea of moving from where I am, mainly because I would have missed my ex (who is also my best friend). Problem is, clinging to "safe" things when it's time to move on is both counter-intuitive and counter-productive. If I hope to keep growing, I have to take the leap and accept whatever is in store for me, even if I'm afraid and feeling unprepared.

It just seems too coincidental that a set of circumstances have set themselves up in favor of my moving to Seattle, Washington this spring, the biggest factor being a dear friend of mine and her truly awesome family. This friend didn't hesitate a lick in asking me to come and re-start my life with some support from them, and after fighting the idea for a while, today I was struck with one of those gut reactions that this is the right thing to do. This is what I have to do. Oh, sure, I made lots of excuses not to. My known support system is here. I'm too scared/attached to make a move this big. I don't know anyone out there but this family. I don't have a job out there. I won't have a substantial savings. I won't/don't/ shouldn't/blah, blah, blah. Blah. Then I realized that I was being a big. fat. pussy. That's right. I said it. And I am supposed to be anti-cowardice in the face of life-changes? Practice what you preach, Jen. Walk the walk, and all that...

So, at some point this coming spring, I'm just doing it. I'm not going to overthink it--only look forward to it, which is frightening, but really exciting, too. I'm going to miss Columbia, MO, and I'll keep and cherish the friendships and experiences I've made here for the rest of my life. But it's time to step off the cliff and dive into new, braver water. That's right, folks. I'm going to be single in my thirties in a new city/state/time zone. God help me.

Anyhoo, I've been looking at some pics of the area, and I have to say that the outdoors always win me over, big time. The city, itself, is remarkable. But the amazing natural landscapes and beauty of that area do a hell of a lot more to draw me in and give me the boost I need. Let me show you what I have to look forward to:










Since I'm so much of a nature freak, looking at these helps act as a motivator and courage-booster. Plus, just THINK of the writing inspiration. *drools*

I guess this post is kind of my promise to myself as a public testimonial. Repeat after me... Do not remain stagnant. Do not hide from your own life. Keep marching forward.

“A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for.”~ William Shedd

Love you,
Jen

19 comments:

Bri said...

Oh Jen, I LOVED Seattle!! I hope to hang around there for a while someday too, so good luck! You can do it! and HAVE FUN!!!

Bri

Jessica said...

Huzzah! You go Jen! :) You're a brave and awesome woman! You want to know the best part? You'll be sooooo much more closer to me. Yup, Seattle is a mere 14 hour drive away. I say when you get settled in we declare a girl's weekend!

Lots of love!

Lisa said...

Your courage is inspirational! AND we'll be on the same side of the US! I have family in Seattle, so I'll look ya up if I'm in town!

Jennifer Lane said...

Seattle is gorgeous, Jen! I lived in Washington state for a year and not only was the scenery beautiful, but the people were very friendly too (not unlike the midwest). Way to be brave and follow your gut!

Jen said...

Bri, if you ever do, message me!

Jessica... HELLS YEAH to the girl weekend.

Lisa... You'll be PART of said girl weekend.

Jen... I keep hearing how gorgeous it is. As soon as the word "Seattle" leaves my lips or my fingers tips, this is the response. I'm thinking it's a good sign, eh? LOL.

PurdueLiz said...

Good for you! I know it's a tough thing to do, but I totally admire you for doing it. Even if you're moving far, far away from me. My little brother was in Seattle for a few years and is now in Portland he loves the area out there.

You will do fabulous out there, of that I have no doubt!

Book Crazy Jenn said...

HOLY COW Jen that's amazing - good luck and congratulations! You deserve more than anyone to be happy, healthy and loved!!! WOOT....

Jen said...

Liz, *HUGS!*

Jenn... same to you, on all accounts. Truly.

KarenG said...

From a Midwesterner who is now a transplanted Westerner--- Yaaaayyy! You're going to love it! And a change of scene is always good for the soul imho.

Jen said...

Karen... I know this is true. *deep breaths* Just need to steal my nerves.

kimberly said...

I am terribly jealous of you right now! I SO want to live in the Seattle area! It is our goal to move there and we are working on it.
CONGRATS and GOOD LUCK with all of this. I hope it brings you much joy and inspiration!

Jen said...

Kim,

If you do, we'll have to buddy up! We'll both be new kids on the block.

xoxo
Jen

Kim said...

*pouts*

I don't like this 'moving away' one bit. (but I'm so thrilled and excited for you)

Good luck!!

Shirley Wells said...

Those pictures are absolutely stunning. I lived by the sea for 12 years and I really, really miss it now. I know exactly what you mean about that claustrophobic feeling.

It sounds as if it's the perfect move for you. A bit scary, yes. But remember - without change, we wouldn't have butterflies. Go for it - and good luck!

Tracitalynne said...

***puts on cheerleader outfit***
Go Jen Go! Rah Rah Ree! Kick 'em in the knee!

(I wasn't a cheerleader, can you tell? Still, the feeling is there! )

***tugs uncomfortably at short shorts***

Jen said...

Kim, me loves you. Don't pout. I will be back to visit!

Shirley, sounds like you know just what I'm talking about. I appreciate your insight. Thank you!

Traci, you are the sexiest cheer leader EVER. Leave those short shorts alone, missy! xoxo

Kimberly said...

Super brave lady. You'll be glad you did it. :)

Jen said...

I am thinking I will, Kim. :)

Toemailer said...

Before Microsoft Seattle was the US's best kept secret - they couldn't have screwed it up that much (wink).