Sunday, July 18, 2010

Can you go home again?

Pennsylvania. I will be there in two weeks.

This is going to be interesting.

See, yours truly hasn't been home in eight years, but for a few instances of familial crisis. Otherwise, it's been me, myself and the great state of Missouri, which I moved to some years ago for several reasons, but that's not the basis of this blog entry. The focus is the trip.

Have you ever done a "go home again" kind of thing? You know, when you haven't seen your childhood soil for so long that it feels alien to you now? Well, I guess that's how I feel. And the memories aren't altogether very good, so, it's a bit of a risk I'm taking, reentering a world where I don't necessarily agree with some of the strong held mindsets and beliefs of the place where I was born.

But that's not why I'm going--to face those things. Not entirely, anyway. Mostly, I'm going because I wanted to make happy memories. I wanted to try and recall and share the things that did make me happy as a child, the places, mainly, and the special things that made that region of the country unique and rich. I'm bringing my best friend along, and I want to show her the mountains, and the ocean, and I guess I just want to see it all myself, too, because I've changed so much that it doesn't feel real anymore. I was just a kid when I left Pennsylvania, and I was an angry, hurt kid, too. I didn't have the presence of mind or perspective to take any good from the place because I associated the entire state with the people in my life and everything bad that had happened. I'm older now... a decade has gone by and I know better. So, when I leave, I plan to document my trip, my feelings, my experiences and observations, and the aim, here, is for the better. I'll take pics and post them here, and hopefully I'll learn some things about myself and see my home turf differently. I want to bring something good back to my new home. I want happy memories.

Will that happen?

I suspect that has a lot to do with how well I can roll with the punches.

Love you guys,
Jen

3 comments:

Jessica said...

Go in with an open heart and mind, and whatever you do don't let anyone push you away from what you want :). Let the little things slide right off, and you build those happy memories Jen!

Hugs!

Tracitalynne said...

Will it help for you to know I am psychically snurgling you the whole time? Because I will be.

Going home again is weird even under the best of circumstances, but, like Jessica said, keep an open heart. Every time I go back to my hometown it seems to get more alien, almost like I have to remake it from the POV of the person I am now, not see it through the eyes of the person I was when I was there.

Good luck. Don't forget all the people on the internet who love you. <3

Steelers 4 Life!! said...

It's ironic that you post this since I too will be having a homecoming in Pennsylvania next week. While the reasons you and I are going are different, I do think whenever I go back to Pittsburgh, I feel like Michael Valentine Smith in Stranger in a Strange Land.

Yet, it's home. It's where my roots were dug, where my favorite sports teams are from. It's my birthplace. It will always have a special place in my heart.

Enjoy your trip