Monday, June 21, 2010

Where is the real love? Help me find it! How do you feel?

I was passing through channels tonight, and it’s a rare thing for me to watch television because it pisses me off badly a great majority of the time. If it’s not needlessly gory, it’s glorifying the objectification of human beings and discounting their hearts and emotions and worth. I'm thinking specifically, one show in particular… The Bachellerette (and the Bachelor.)

Why, Jen, you ask? Why are you such a hard ass all of a sudden? It’s just for fun. It’s just cheap entertainment, right? Aaah, darlings, and therein lies the stinkin’ rub.

Shows like the above mentioned make it really hard to view a “relationship” as anything more than the most shallow, surface, cheap version imaginable. It’s not affection based on mutual respect, on gained confidence, or the most beautiful kind of romance possible—an evolution from friendship to more. It’s a game of material desperation and lust, and it’s propagating the objectification of another human being, another soul, as mere store-window appeal. You shop by bra size, level of teeth-whitening and whether she/he would look good on your arm. You shop by wallet/purse size, too. But you have NO idea what this person is actually like. You have no concept of their life experiences, their conscience, or whether they care deeply or feel deeply for others, for their world. All these things should matter. They should matter more than what he does for a living, they should matter more than what kind of car he drives or how many houses he owns.

And it takes a hell of a lot more than a few pre-selected, conveyer belt product samples on an island to find the right person. Why are you looking for people this way? Why are we embracing assembly line love? How is it romantic to queue up a bunch of guys and say, okay, whoever bullshits me the best over the next several weeks on national television gets to win my undying devotion?

Character. Please don’t forget character. Yes, physical attraction is important. Yes, we all want that, but I want more, as well. I want someone who, without ever making me feel any less, still manages to challenge my character through the goodness of his. I want someone who cares earnestly about his world, about people and life and the planet. I want someone who has a passion for something… ANYthing. And I don’t believe that others don’t want that, too. I KNOW we all do, even if some of us have forgotten.

A friend of mine and I just had a conversation about women and men and old fashioned ideologies and etc. And we mentioned the Twilight books as an example. Just look at that phenomena. Now, granted, some of the addictive popularity has to do with a whole lot of unresolved sexual tension in the plotline, and I don't necessarily agree with all the motives of the female character, BUT, a lot of the appeal of these books also has to do with what people (especially women) had forgotten that they wanted… respect, devotion, and namely, someone who sees the goodness and potential in you beyond anything else, who knows that they can pass a thousand gorgeous women on the street any given day, but, that doesn’t mean that they’d want them, because partnership should be more selective than that. We all want someone to love us for much more than how we present in front of a mirror. Unconditional, unbreakable, deep and friendship-based love is so neglected and overlooked nowadays in favor of packets of insta-lust. LOVE… real love, true, rich, passionate, undying and fervent love, the kind we’re afraid to open up enough to feel anymore, the kind that MAKES US BETTER PEOPLE, just isn’t getting its due. I want to take this subject and toss it out there and stir up your hearts and get you feeling again, ladies and gents. Don’t be desensitized or ashamed of what you feel and what you need—what this world needs. After all, love will save us in the end. Speak up! Tell me how it is, tell me how you feel.




Steelers 4 Life!! said...

Very good post. I've noticed in the real world(not the, lol) there seems to be alot of disingenuious people holding hands with other disingenious people. You see them and think "The only thing keeping them together is fill in the blank".

There doesn't seem to be alot of stone in love couples anymore. I'm very lucky to fall in the latter catergory with my lovely girlfriend. And Jen, knowing what I know about you, you'll fall in this stage as well!

Nicki Elson said...

Oh my gosh do I love this post. TV, movies, and a lot of books (I'll include Twilight here) put such an unrealistic spin on love. True enduring love means wanting to stick it out with someone even when it ain't so polished, whitened, and pretty...and dare I say sparkly??

I love what you say about wanting someone who "manages to challenge my character through the goodness of his." Man I love that. I completely believe that in the best relationships, that's what each partner will do for each other.

Oh, and do you want to know what reality show has a better track record for couples that stay together? Survivor! Even if they weren't in the same season, they've had a chance to see each other at their grimy worst and I think that's a pretty good litmus test.

Anonymous said...

I am happy to say I fall into the "in love with my best friend" category, too. There is a reason the divorce rate is 50%, people just are not clear what they want, are not even in touch with what they really truly want (hint: it's not material things. No really it's not).

I know there are problems with the Twilight novels, but, for me and I know for others, they really did make clear what I want from a relationship. I want someone who is *that* interested in who I am, and *that* interested in being with me for the long haul, no matter what. Of course I do, and like Jen said, EVERYBODY does. People roll their eyes and say, "love, romance" and I say, "um, yeah. what else is there, truly?" Everyone wants it, and it's not unreasonable for everyone to have it.