Thursday, June 17, 2010

An end to needless Martyrdom

Ok, so it's late here in Missouri, and I'm sick as a dog...feverish, in fact, but as I lay in bed, trying unsuccessfully to fall asleep, some very serious familial things were winging around my brain and driving me to distraction.

I don't like to blog intimate details of my life, because, come on, you're supposed to be all aloof as an author, right? Mysterious past, blah blah. Yeah, well, I suppose I don't fit that mold too well. And frankly, the only reason I'll be vague with any of the following is for the protection of the innocent (and believe me, there are only a few of those.) I guess what I'm eventually trying to say is, I'm about to blog about family...or...well... some family, and families in general.

The reason for this touchy subject is the following: I'm intensely protective of the people I love, most especially when I see that they are misunderstood or mistreated. I have an incredible soft spot for underdogs, because I've been one, plenty of times. And as I've gotten older, I've come to understand a very disturbing trend within certain circles of, not only my own ancestral line, but lots of others, as well, toward embracing victimhood. Toward craving martyrdom. Have you ever noticed that? That there are certain folks that seem to glory in what "sacrifices they've made" and what they had to "give up" for someone else. They'd control you emotionally for life, if given the chance (which is why I made it a strict policy a long time ago to avoid owing family anything unless I totally trust their character.)

I look at some of the displaced children I've known throughout the years (in foster care, changing familial hands, etc) in unfortunate circumstances (an issue near and dear to my heart), and I've witnessed how their assigned caretakers tend to make them feel. I've heard such comments as, "I didn't have to take you/them in. I could have let them go to foster care," or "I can't even give money/attention to my OWN children because I have to take care of fill-in-the-blank's."

Right, well, let's just think of how this makes said displaced kiddos feel for the rest of their lives, eh? Like they've been punched in the gut every day until they die, maybe? Like they were never really loved or wanted... only used for the sake of making someone feel better about themselves. I promise you, these personality types are getting a major pay-back from acting and thinking this way. I'm sure that, in their minds, it equals heroism... it's the ultimate saint's ego-stroke. And it's the most hideously harmful thing I've ever seen.

Please, potential parents, whether foster, adoptive or whatnot, consider that it's a privilege for you to raise these young souls with all their gifts and beauty, not the other way around. If you only want to do kind things for the sake of wearing a martyr's crown... leave the kids out of it. They don't deserve to carry that kind of pain around long after you're gone. Choose happiness over misery, for you AND them.

Peace and love,

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