Sunday, December 13, 2020

With a Heavy Heart


Went to Metuchen to get a package I'd had delivered to little sister's convent today. I brought the nuns hot cocoa from Starbucks and dropped it off out front. Sister came out and we sat on the porch with our masks on for a little bit and just talked. I told her how much I missed her. I told her how heavy this life and human beings are weighing on my heart these days and how unbearably sad I've been feeling. I know I'm not the only one. I told her I miss her. I am tired of being alone, but it's the sacrifice worth making right now to do what's right. It just hurts. The visit was brief and chilly, but at least I got to see her eyes. I love her so much.
I'd planned to go pick up my groceries curbside after that, but when I went to start my car, the check oil/engine light came on. So a detour to Valvoline later, I finally got my food and headed the long way home, thankful that for the moment, I can cover the costs of an oil change and some groceries. I talked to whoever God is the whole drive home. It felt comforting, so I went with it.
This world is in a state. I feel the suffering all around me, and I am constantly crying. "Christians" of many a denomination have warped the life of Jesus into a greed-filled, fear-based, prideful power trip that gets twisted into violence and ignorance and spite. People are claiming to follow Christ or love God, they speak these names constantly and tout "personal relationships" with them...but they cannot let go of their greed, their malice and anger, their prejudice, feeling threatened by everyone and everything that doesn't agree with them. These people must infuriate whoever God really is. Humans...we're so very, very far off the mark.
But some of us are trying. We're trying just to care, about each other, about the whole world. We're trying to feel empathy and wishing to do good, regardless of what religion you might or might not be...even while every day is a struggle just to survive, feeling invisible to the wealthy, the prideful, the arrogant humans of this world who live in a state of desperate greed that creates immeasurable suffering to others. Those who suffer know what suffering feels like, and so it breeds empathy. Empathy...a missing vital ingredient in our culture.
Those who forego compassion for rage and power, I expect, will have much, MUCH to answer for.
It kills me, this constant question I have, what can I do with my life that's good? I so often feel like I spend all my time and energy just trying to survive. And as much as I want to live a life of serving and loving others, bringing hope, comfort, food, shelter, peace to others...all I seem to have the time to do is scrape together a living over the long hours, then start again the next day. When I talk to God I say, there has to be more I'm supposed to do...but HOW? How do I help the world in any significant way beyond writing a little song hardly anyone hears or singing something that doesn't put food in the mouths of others, doesn't create opportunity for those who don't have any? What book or poem can I write that will do anything real or impactful enough to make ANY kind of difference? I don't have the resources or the means to do anything else, but what I can do seems to make little difference to those who really, truly need it most desperately.
What am I supposed to do with my life? Not just what do I WANT to do, or what do I love to do. What am I MEANT to do for this world? And how do I get there?
All of these questions just keep erupting from my aching heart. There's too much pain around me, and yet I fear there is much more to come. Humans don't seem to change unless their guts are ripped to shreds and they are brought to their knees. I hate that that's the case, but we know it is. Humans are so very often fools.
Oh, man. What a mess we're in. What can I truly, meaningfully do? I hope God helps me understand that soon. Please, let me understand it soon.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

bape hoodie
hermes outlet
goyard online store
fear of god outlet
off-white
jordan shoes
ggdb sneakers
kd 12
supreme clothing
curry 8

Shannon Mackle said...

Just a couple of months ago, I gave this relationship doctor Robinson buckler a try. It was my last hope to get my ex husband back.

Weeks before my ex left me and our 2 children, there were a lot of argument and fighting between me and him. On the day he left me, he told me that he doesn't think he loved me any more and this was not working. I was so devastated hearing this, I begged him not to go and I even promised that I would change. But he made up his mind already. He packed his bags and left our house.

I tried calling him and texting him to tell him I miss him and still love him. I asked him to give us another chance. He slowly stopped replying to my messages and stopped picking up my calls.

I then searched the internet on how to get ex back, and even bought a few products such as text your ex back and ex recovery system. Nothing worked, and my ex was still very cold towards me.

When I was about to give up, I found Robinson buckler ex back program. He is a relationship coach with a lot of success stories. I knew what I needed was not a book but a coach to guide me how to make my ex fall in love with me again. I immediately signed up for his program.

In the first couple of days, I made a lot of good progress. I am happier and more confident. My ex saw the positive changes in me, and started to talk to me more and even asked me out for dates.

Fast forward two weeks later, my ex told me that he wants to give our relationship a second try. I was beyond happy when I heard that.

Now, we are closer and happier together. It would not have happened without Robinson buckler help.

I highly recommend


________R.buckler11 [[@Gmail com ]]


100% result guaranteed..